cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
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She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
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I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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