Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
