You made me cry and you don't even care
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
