Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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