Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
