how can u be prego again
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
