So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
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You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
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I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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