Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
