The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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