My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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