i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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