never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
