she was so not down for the gang bang
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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