i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
honey bunches of taint.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
