i just sent this text using only my big toe
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
