My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
