After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
