It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
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And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
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I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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