The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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