If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
My breasts were aching with rage.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
