Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
You work out of a Hotel?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
