I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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