I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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