Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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