Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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