no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
