oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm just crazy horny about you
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
