You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
