youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
