this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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