Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
