This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
