I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
