mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I am midnight drunk by noon
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
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