i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
