at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
