yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
