i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
