you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
