Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
