I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
