ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
