Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
