he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
