I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
