FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
