I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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