Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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