separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
