I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
