What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Hippo gnu deer
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
How external is "for external use only"?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
