She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
