How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
