My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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