apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
