It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Are my feet made of real feet?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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