I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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