we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
