i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
