My brain says no but my pants say off.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
