I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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