you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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