i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
