I could have mohawked her pubes.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
