but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
