Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
