They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize