fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
