Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I look better un-naked...
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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