im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
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There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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