dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
