I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
