ya dads aren't the best wingmen
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
