I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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