I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
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I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
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You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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