i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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