well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
My apartment stinks of burning failure
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
