Moan for me like Helen Keller
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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