i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
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