worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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