everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
