i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
