i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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