sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
