Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
