I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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