I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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