i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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